He fled Isaev's company as quickly as he could, without being too unseemly. Waiting until he was clear of the lieutenant's line of sight before looking back, Kassian was relieved that Isaev was not following.
Kassian paused at the building he recognized as the barracks, and then wondered what was next.
He'd forgotten to ask as to where they needed to go after the patrol, and now neither Isaev nor Charushkin where here to tell him. Loitering for the rest of the day, after all, probably was not to order.
Kassian looked about for another Ocelot, hoping to spot the scarlet and black. He actually hoped he would not see Isaev, at least for a while.
He hadn't had the nerve to face Isaev while he read his apology.
He did not know if he could hold his ground against complete and utter rejection, or contempt.
At least, not now. Not when this was all so raw and new. Given time, and distance, he could close himself off from it, like he had done with the other wounds in his life.
Dusya, he thought, and then, Vitya.
He closed his eyes.
Kassian wondered what he thought he was doing exactly, and with a man like Isaev. What was it between them, anyway? Isaev had picked him out immediately, and had refused to let up. Kassian's best efforts, both intentional and non-, had not been enough to drive Isaev away, and now, he no longer wanted Isaev at arm's length.
His body still felt taut, and coiled like a spring. It occurred to him that he could use a cigarette but frowned for thinking it, even though he could stand to have his nerves cooled about now.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-09-03 10:00 pm (UTC)Kassian paused at the building he recognized as the barracks, and then wondered what was next.
He'd forgotten to ask as to where they needed to go after the patrol, and now neither Isaev nor Charushkin where here to tell him. Loitering for the rest of the day, after all, probably was not to order.
Kassian looked about for another Ocelot, hoping to spot the scarlet and black. He actually hoped he would not see Isaev, at least for a while.
He hadn't had the nerve to face Isaev while he read his apology.
He did not know if he could hold his ground against complete and utter rejection, or contempt.
At least, not now. Not when this was all so raw and new. Given time, and distance, he could close himself off from it, like he had done with the other wounds in his life.
Dusya, he thought, and then, Vitya.
He closed his eyes.
Kassian wondered what he thought he was doing exactly, and with a man like Isaev. What was it between them, anyway? Isaev had picked him out immediately, and had refused to let up. Kassian's best efforts, both intentional and non-, had not been enough to drive Isaev away, and now, he no longer wanted Isaev at arm's length.
His body still felt taut, and coiled like a spring. It occurred to him that he could use a cigarette but frowned for thinking it, even though he could stand to have his nerves cooled about now.